I had a moment of sheer terror at work today. I was going about getting ready for closing when I look up and see the grad student that I worked closely with for a year and a half during the end of my B.S. and part of my M.S.
I hid. I couldn’t let him see how much of a failure I am (at least that’s what I thought at the moment). Guilt. Shame. All those feelings. He spent all that time teaching, training, and mentoring me and here I am, working at Whole Foods.
I’ve been working really hard to not feel these feelings constantly. I’ve been working to gain more useful skills. I’ve had friends revamp my resume. I just got accepted to a Master’s program for computer science. But with all of this, I still feel like crap for not having a “real” job. The job market is tough. I should feel lucky I even have this job.
It’s kind of embarrassing to have a Master’s degree in engineering and be handing out bread to people who treat you like an idiot. Like, what do other peoples’ resumes look like who get interview after interview? Did I just not do enough while I was in school? I feel like I worked my ass off, but apparently not enough. I just don’t understand, really.
Ugh, I’m sure things will turn around at some point. I’m just going to keep working at it. Time to accept my admissions to and work on getting some internships.
I had what I thought was a really good interview a little over three weeks ago. I was told that they had one more person to interview and were going to contact my references. Then, they’d get back to me in the following week. Well, that week has passed, and there has been not a peep. I sent two follow-up emails. One was just for thanking them for their time, etc. And the second was when the week passed that they said they’d get back to me checking to see if there was an update, but nothing. It’s kind of disheartening.
I applied to a few jobs last week, and I actually heard back from a couple of recruiters. I’m just waiting to see if any of the hiring managers would like to interview me. I’ll try to put in a few more applications this week and start trying to see what internships I can apply to once I’m a student again. I’m actually really happy that I got accepted in the program I applied to. I’ve been working on some online courses for a few months now (intro to computer science, data structures, algorithms, etc.). Now, I can have some check in the box that employers like to see.
I’m just trying to stay positive, and if not, just keep persevering and taking steps to get myself more employable. And playing Fallout when I need a break from life.