As I said in my last post, I added another student on Facebook from one of my classes to obtain access to class notes. That actually sent me on an adding rampage. I started adding people that were in my major and graduating class. I’m pretty sure everyone accepted my friend request; no one asked any questions. It actually felt really good. I mean, I’m sure they knew it was me. My last name isn’t very common, and my profile picture looks like me, of course. But more importantly, I came out to another of the grad students that I work with and talk to regularly. He reiterated what most people have said to me, he just wants me to be happy with who I am. That feels really good. I actually respect and value you his opinion, so hearing that was really good.
In other news, I took my last final tonight (of my undergrad, anyway. I will have many more as a grad student). I feel so relieved to finally be done. I have the whole summer off to just do work and research. Then, I can come home at night and not have to worry about studying or working on a project. I’m really excited for this summer. It will essentially be my first summer off in 10 years.
In more other news, today is 7 weeks on testosterone, but honestly, I haven’t noticed any changes at all in the past week, sadly.
Today was my first day back at school after being gone all last week for my trip to Washington. I was waiting for my lab partners to show up this morning to the lab. I decided to go to the bathroom to put lotion on my tattoo since I didn’t know what had been done last week or what needed to be done for this week. I walked into the women’s bathroom and a woman was walking out of the stall at the end of the bathroom. She looked at me and asked, “What do you want? Are you looking for something?” I said “no” and went about my business, and she hurried out of the bathroom. It was really unexpected for me. I feel like I don’t look very manly still, and I’ve been used to people apologizing to me for misgendering me when they hear me speak. It felt good to be identified as male, but brings up larger issues.
I have only come out to one person at school so far. I’m kind of biding my time until graduation to come out. Most of the people who know me will be moving on to either grad school at different schools or finding jobs in industry. This will leave me with a much smaller group of people that I have to deal with in regards to coming out. Until then, I guess I will have to deal with women in the bathroom who don’t know me and are confused by my presence. I’m still really anxious about coming out to people at school and work, but hopefully after July 5th, I will have legal proof that I am male and that will help me make my work/school transition.
On Wednesday, I had a check up with my doctor. I had planned to ask her about getting an affidavit for my legal gender change that must be submitted to the courts. So, I showed up to my appointment and discussed some of the changes that have happened and how I’ve been feeling. I walked out feeling pretty good. Then, I realized that I completely forgot to ask about the affidavit to state that I was undergoing “clinically appropriate treatment” for my gender change. I ran home and wrote a message asking about getting that done. She responded that night and said she would write it in the next day.
I picked the letter up this morning from student health services and hopped on my motorcycle to head downtown to the central location for San Diego Superior Court. I went up to the filing court, feeling pretty nervous, as she looked through my paperwork and told me things I needed to fill in. She didn’t even bat an eyelash though. By the time I finished, I was sweating through the many layers I had on: binder, t-shirt, long-sleeved button down shirt, and my motorcycle jacket. I finally finished and paid my $435 filing fee. Luckily, my mom is pretty supportive and sent me a check earlier this week to take care of this. My court hearing date is July 5th, then hopefully everything will be official!
Next thing I had to do was find a news paper to publish my name change announcement, in case anyone objects. That was another $50 to have the announcement published for four weeks. I’m not sure what other people have to do in other states, but California is kind of a pain in the ass sometimes.
All in all though, I’m glad to have the wheels set in motion. With the name and gender change coming up in the relatively near future, I’ll have to find a way to come out at both jobs. That is something I really need to put some thought into.
Also, another thing that is looming over me is my graduation. I’m definitely looking forward to being done, but also nervous about having to see family members that I haven’t seen since before coming out. I think they’re all pretty supportive, but I get anxious about these things.