Fashion Woes

Now that I’m done with school and mostly recovered from surgery, I’m looking for jobs. With that comes the need to be properly attired for potential job interviews. I love getting new clothes, but it almost always brings on a lot of negative thoughts for me. Nothing ever fits me right. More specifically, my hips are simply too large. It’s really frustrating. I’ve been wearing shorts for the past few months because I can’t stand how my jeans accentuate my hips.

This makes it really hard for me to go shopping for suits and pants, where the shirts are intended to be tucked into the pants. For me, it just feels like it’s calling attention to the fact that I’m not a cisgender man. I don’t have the relatively straight line that most guys have. My waist is still significantly smaller than my hips. In fact, I don’t think my hips measurement has changed at all since starting testosterone over 15 months ago. When I do finally find pants that fit my hips, they are too large in the waist and legs. They are way too baggy, and it just looks sloppy.

I had planned to stop by a Men’s Wearhouse this afternoon to figure out my measurements for suits, but I couldn’t bring myself to even go in the store. I just have a lot of anxiety about the “feminine” shape of my lower body. I wish there was a trans friendly suit shop somewhere, but I’m not even sure such a thing exists. I ended up going to an Express where I could just try on clothes myself. I basically just reaffirmed that nothing fits properly.

I thought by now at least some of my fat would have left my lower body, but I feel like I’m just going to be stuck with it forever, unless I go one some extremely restricted diet. I have no intention of restricting my calories or intake in any way. I feel like I eat a healthy, balanced diet right now. Plus, I’d rather be gaining muscle and strength. It’s not like I’d be able to realistically shift my body composition in a desirable way before I’d have to go on an interview anyway.

When I lose fat, it seems as if it comes off more from my upper body than lower body. It makes me wonder if my hormones are at the appropriate levels. I just wish I could have my reproductive organs removed, so then at least I’d know that the testosterone isn’t fighting with the estrogen my body is producing. If I have one disappointment with my transition, it’s that I feel like my fat deposits have remained exactly the same. I’m happy with everything else that has happened.

But yeah, tomorrow is another day, and hopefully I will make it into the suit shop for measurements and trying on suits. I have to remind myself that I just need something to get me through job interviews.

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4 comments

  1. Business drag (even business casual) is hard to do. I don’t know if the west coast styles are different, but here we only untuck our shirts for going out casual – guys are always tucked in at the office even without a tie.

    I can’t find shirts that I can wear untucked unless I have them made (I’m 5’4) and regular guys shirts won’t go over my hips unless they are huge, and then they go down to my knees. All of my dress shirts are custom (or had a visit to a tailor for the sleeves).

    It sucks, but whatever pants you get are going to need to be taken in or up – lot of cis guys wear a different size in pants and jackets too. And a lot of cis guys have hips and guts (and don’t look too good in skinny pants). Salesmen want to make a sale, and they have seen guys in way way worse shape than you and sold them nice suits, so I’d advise making an appointment and trying a store that fits suits and does alterations on the premises. Alternatively, mail order in a variety of sizes from a store with a good return policy (like Bonobos – which will give you the garment dimensions) and find a tailor you can trust.

    You will feel much better at the interview if you feel comfortable and handsome in the clothes.

    1. Yeah, I’m not sure on what exactly the dress code will be for me. From what I’ve heard, it depends on the type of industry you’re in.

      But yeah, I have that same problem with wearing shirts untucked. I’m just under 5’4″.

      Thanks for the advice! I’m sure I’ll find something that is presentable. I imagine wearing a suit jacket might make me feel less self-conscious about the hips, at least for the job interview portions. Then, we’ll see how the dressing for said jobs goes at a later date. =)

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