Settling In

It has been two and a half weeks now that I told Lauren about how I’ve felt for so long. In that time, we have both been able to express freely to each other how we feel. He is now going by the name Alex, and I am going by August. I have slowly been coming out to my friends and family. Some may not understand the implication of me adding them on Facebook as August, but I have told the people that are really important to me how I feel and what it means to me to be known as August and as a male. With each email (Email is my preferred mode of communication. I have a hard time expressing myself fully when faced with either face-to-face conversations or phone conversations. I think email allows me the time to really think about what I’m trying to convey.) I have written, I have been extremely anxious, but I have had nothing but positive responses. It has felt pretty wonderful to finally be myself. The anxiousness I have been feeling for a couple of weeks is finally starting to subside as more people accept my friend request on Facebook. I decided to make a completely new page because I didn’t want all the old pictures of me to be linked to my new identity, but I was also reluctant to just erase everything that I was. We haven’t told our roommates yet. It’s a little awkward as we are referring to each other as August and Alex with respective male pronouns, but when they’re around, we call each other April and Lauren and use she and her. Hopefully we’ll get the courage soon to bring them in the fold and there’s no negative reaction.

Alex and I have slowly been building out wardrobes as men. Luckily, not all of my clothes were women’s clothing. I have only recently (within the past 2 or 3 years) started buying women’s clothing. Slowly, I’ve been getting removing clothes from our closet that shows off my feminine figure. It feels like such a relief. I never liked those clothes on me, despite everyone saying that looked great on me. Every time I saw myself in them, I just thought they looked horrible, like I was a guy in drag. Well, I guess I was.

We bought our clothes that we’ll be wearing to our wedding which was pretty exciting. Hopefully, we’ll get some nice pictures from the legal ceremony coming up next month.

Other than that, just been trying to do some weight training to build muscles. Obviously, it will be hard until I can begin hormone therapy, but at least now, I won’t worry about looking too manly! =D

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